Slightly overwhelmed by the numbered promises? Psssshaw.

Here’s a guide to help you get your sea legs in the ocean of bliss.

If you can find a way to make the following promises to yourself, you’ll be well on your way to peace and joy.

• Stay true to you
• Find your popeyes, lose your wimpys
• Identify your lifeline
• Sit. Stay. But don’t be a heel.
• Stop
• Embrace the (re)solution
• Get away from the world of fools breaking you down
• True your wheels
• Shrink your but instantly
• Church yourself