Promise #54: 11 ways to rock the unknown
- Feb, 08 2011
- By Tracey
- Moxie
- 12 Comments
You can group mothers into one of two categories.
Those who mother from instinct and those who mother from others.
Instinct: hold that delicious, little bundle of baby in your arms for as long as you can.
Others: don’t hold the baby too long, lest the little bugger might come to (gasp) expect it.
I’m not here to judge. I was an other. Unsure. Confused. Scared. Delusional from lack of sleep. I was hungry for advice. It wasn’t until I started feeling rested and confident that I realized I was also, ahem, in charge. I was capable of doing what was best for another being.
I was at a party quite some time ago, when a friend named Kristine (“that’s Kristine with a k if you plan to blog about what I just said”) wisely said, “if a baby spends 9 months listening to and feeling nothing other than the beat of your heart, why should you ever stop holding that child…you’re the only thing they know.”
How many other people can say they are familiar with the rhythm of your heart?
How many people can you say that about? When was the last time you felt—totally, truly felt—a heart beat other than your own?
My youngest son woke up this morning. Slowly made his way downstairs. And stood in the kitchen rubbing his eyes awake as my husband and I gleefully wished him a happy birthday.
He officially turned 11 at 3:24 pm. That’s when his little body was airlifted out of my mine. And while all of that is my own blend of special, what really struck me this morning was the way he hugged me. It was gripping.
His hands, which now equal mine in size and strength pulled me close and held me tight. His head tilted to rest in the crevice between my neck and shoulder. Unlike most days, he didn’t let go, run off, ask for a favor, or make me pinky promise anything. He just hugged me. Long enough for me to catch a string of beats. That made me realize, for all the hugs that pass within the four walls of our house, it’s been a while since I felt the power of a beat.
Like any mother (I think, sorry for generalizing) if I had to do it all over I would have never blinked a moment away. I would have never listened to anything other than my own totally irrational, completely exhausted brain. Coulda, woulda, shoulda, didn’t.
Here’s my list of 11 things worth remembering when treading through the land of any unknown (not just motherhood):
- You are always, always, always enough
- Instinct is a breadcrumb to happiness
- Your heart keeps more than just you alive
- Sleep is more potent than a coffee bean
- Regret is quicksand—the more you struggle with it, the faster it will take you down
- Filter advice with your heart, not your head
- Superpowers lie dormant until necessary
- Stay open to change and suspicious of habit
- Life’s biggest lessons are behind a locked door to which you will eventually find the key
- You can always change your view, but you can’t always view change
- Hugs transfer energy
What’s on your list?
Kristine
Tracey (with an ey), How exciting to see my name in your blog! I remember that discussion this summer. I remind myself of that every day with my almost 11 month old. A benefit to having a 4th child is that I look at my 9 year old, growing so big and independent, and wonder why I thought that him wanting to be held and hear my heatbeat was a problem. It is a blessing and I feel lucky to experience it again with new perspective. Thanks for including me in your blog. You made my day.
Kristine
Tracey Selingo
I think I need to thank you for the insight -that I wish I had 11 years ago. :-) Life is funny like that. You just need to remember how lucky you are on the sleepy, trying days…
Marci
Your children are more resilient than you think. Things that mothers stress so much about — like when I had an emergency conference call and had no choice but to lock my 2 year old twins in a room with toys, sippy cups and a bowl of crackers for an hour (really! I hung up the phone and cried…they made a huge mess but were having a blast and didn’t even know I was gone) — are mere blips on our kids’ radar. Mothers tend to guilt themselves about so many thing unnecessarily. Don’t sweat the small stuff, be present for the big stuff!
Tracey Selingo
Marci-I think I need to write a separate promise around guilt. Your insight is priceless. Thanks for sharing!!!
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Elizabeth
One more thing – sleep deprivation is like a boomerang – just when you think you’ll never see it again, it smacks you in the head – that reminder that no matter how old your children are, you will continue to lose sleep over them – whether its caring for a newborn, making a school project, or, I expect, waiting for them to come home with the car (or in the car of another) and so on…….
Tracey Selingo
You’re pretty sharp at 2:30 in the morning. Sleep deprivation is a boomerang. It makes me tired just thinking about it.
E Leo
YOU ASKED FOR IT….
Plan Ahead: It is 2:34 AM and I just finished my daughter’s project (ungraded, except by her and her friends). However much time you think you need to complete a project to the satisfaction of your first grader, triple it. When she wakes up tomorrow, she better have a “Henry Hug” for me!!!!
Tracey Selingo
Plan Ahead is a great thing to remember. Unfortunately, we procrastinators (present company included) find this to be somewhat impossible.
I hope you get a good grade and a big, fat hug!
Corinne
This post made me pick Emma up out of a sound sleep and hold her.
Happy Birthday Henry!!
Tracey Selingo
Dear Lord, I hope you didn’t wake her up. :-) Enjoy each minute of her. She’s beautiful!
Tcrader106
So true!